Jika ..... dan Kalau .....

KALAU SUAMI

Kalau suami mula berahsia..
Itu tandanya dia tak setia.

Kalau suami meninggi suara..
Itu tandanya dia dah ada mak we.

Kalau suami mengaku bujang tua..
Itu tandanya dia nak ngurat anak dara.

Kalau suami selera tak ada..
Itu tandanya dia nak pasang dua.

Kalau suami lambat balik aje..
Itu tandanya dia dah syok kat setiausaha.

Kalau suami tidur di ruang tamu..
Itu tandanya dia dah jemu.

Kalau suami malam jumaat buat tak tahu..
Itu tandanya tak lama lagi hidupmu bermadu.

Kalau suami garang macam singa..
Itu tandanya hati dia dah tak cinta.

Kalau suami asyik komplen aje..
Itu tandanya dia dah tak suka.

Kalau suami mula sepak terajang ke muka..
Itu tandanya dia nak memberimu title JANDA.

..............

JIKA SUAMI

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Dapat gaji semua diberi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Kerja rumah rela dikongsi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Kereta diberi suami naik LRT.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Duit poket diberi setiap hari.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
SMS dikirim tanda rindu di hati.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Kongsi masalah nasihat dikasi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Diberi ciuman setiap pagi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
I love U, I miss U katanya setiap hari.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Isteri gemuk, dikatakan seksi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Sakit sikit selongkar laci ubat dicari.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Ke mana sahaja dibawa pergi.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Sentiasa jujur perihal diri.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Status berkahwin bangga sekali.

Jika suami sayangkan isteri..
Cintanya suci hingga ke mati.

PESANAN KEPADA ISTERI2:

Adakah suami2 kita tergolong dlm kategori ini?

JIKA SUAMI... lebih banyak dari KALAU SUAMI... maka bersyukurlah kerana rumahtangga anda umpama SYURGA.

TETAPI.... KALAU SUAMI... lebih banyak dari JIKA SUAMI... maka berhati-hatilah. Wahai kaum isteri jangan sampai rumahtanggamu umpama NERAKA.

PERINGATAN KEPADA SUAMI2 :

Bukankah lebih baik jadikan rumahtangga itu SYURGA dari menjadikan ia NERAKA ?????

JANGAN ANDA MERASA MENYESAL KERANA MENCINTAI ISTERI .. KERANA DIALAH BIDADARIMU DI DUNIA INI..

DAN JANGANLAH ANDA SERONOK MENZALIMINYA KERANA DOA ORANG TERANIAYA DITERIMA ALLAH YANG ESA TANPA HIJAB...

43 Perkara Ringan yang Menyekat Rezeki

Terdapat beberapa perkara yang mempunyai kaitan dengan kesusahan atau secara lebih khusus sebagai penyebab ditimpa kesusahan dan penderitaan yang mana pada kebiasaannya kita mengambil ringan tentang perkara tersebut.

Dalam kitab Al-Barakah fi Fadhl lis Sa'yi Wal Harakah yang disusun oleh Abi Abdillah Muhammad bin Abdul Rahman Al-Habsyi telah diterangkan perkara yang mempunyai hubung kait dengan kesusahan seseorang itu..wallahhualam....

1. tidak sembahyang atau solat
2. tidak membaca Bismillah ketika hendak makan
3. makan atas pinggan yang terbalik
4. memakai kasut atau sandal memulakan sebelah kiri
5. menganggap ringan apa-apa yang terjatuh dalam hidangan makanan
6. berwuduk' di tempat buang air besar atau air kecil
7. suka bersandar pada pintu rumah
8. suka duduk di atas tangga
9. membiasakan diri mencuci tangan di dalam pinggan selepas makan
10. membasuh tangan dengan tanah atau bekas tepung
11. tidak membersihkan rumah
12. membuang sampah atau menyapu dengan kain
13. suka membersihkan rumah pada waktu malam
14. suka tidur di atas muka
15. membakar kulit bawang
16. menjahit baju yang sedang dipakai
17. mengelap muka dengan baju
18. berdiri sambil bercekak pinggang
19. tidur tidak memakai baju
20. makan sebelum mandi hadas
21. tergesa-gesa keluar dari masjid selepas menunaikan solat subuh
22. pergi ke pasar sebelum matahari terbit
23. lambat pulang dari masjid
24. doakan perkara yang tidak baik terhadap ibubapa dan anak-anak
25. kebiasaan tidak menutup makan yang dihidangkan
26. suka memadam pelita dengan nafas
27. membuang kutu kepala dalam keadaan hidup
28. membasuh kaki dengan tangan kanan
29. membuang air kecil pada air yang mengalir
30. memakai seluar sambil berdiri
31. memakai serban sambil duduk
32. mandi junub di tempat buang air atau tempat najis
33. makan dengan menggunakan dua jari
34. berjalan di antara kambing
35. berjalan di antara dua perempuan
36. suka mempermainkan janggut
37. suka meletakkan jari-jemari tangan pada bahagian lutut
38. meletakkan tapak tangan pada hidung
39. suka menggigit kuku dengan mulut
40. mendedahkan aurat di bawah sinaran matahari dan bulan
41. mengadap kiblat ketika membuang air besar atau air kecil
42. menguap ketika solat
43. meludah di tempat buang air besar atau air kecil

Burung Kakak Tua yang Gatal

Ada seekor burung kakak tua yang sangat cerdik dan mempunyai pandangan mata yang sangat tajam sehingga boleh menembusi apa-apa halangan yang menutup matanya (Transparent le tu... )

Setiap pagi burung ini akan bertenggek di dalam sangkarnya yang tergantung di tingkap. Rumah tuan punye burung ni terletak di antara sekolah rendah dan kuaters guru. Setiap pagi ada 3 orang cikgu wanita melintas di hadapan rumah tuan punye burung ni dari sekolah ke kuaters guru, oleh itu hari-hari lah burung ni perhati 3 orang cikgu yang bertutup litup tuh ke hulu ke hilir... ke hulu, ke hilir..... Setiap hari burung ni tengok cikgu-cikgu tu atas bawah, atas bawah.. Bila dia boring dia menyanyi -nyanyi... . tak pun, dia akan baca skrip cerita sembilu 2... lama-lama makin boring pulak... so dia ternampak le si cikgu-cikgu tu berderet jalan slow-slow nak pergi ke sekolah. Burung ni pun kuyu-kuyukan mata dia... then tonyoh tonyoh sikit mata dia... dah tu dia kibas-kibas kan kepak dia... pas tu dia jerit kuat-kuat...

"BELANG!! PUTIH!! BIRU!!!"

Cikgu-cikgu tadi sama-sama menoleh ke arah burung tu dan pandang ke depan semula. Mereka jalan cepat-cepat. .. Sampai di sekolah mereka cuma saling pandang memandang... .. Keesokan harinya cikgu-cikgu tu pun macam biasa lalu depan burung tu lagi. Bila balik ke rumah kuaters guru, burung tu buat dek je... bila cikgu ni nak ke sekolah, burung tu jerit lagi......

"PUTIH!!! BUNGA-BUNGA! !! PINK!!!"

Cikgu-cikgu tu terkejut... dan berjalan cepat-cepat lagi...sampai di sekolah depa pun tanya sesama depa.....cikgu pertama bercakap "camna burung kakak tua tu tau warna sepender yang kita pakai?"

Cikgu kedua menjawab "Tak tau pulak ... . ahli sihir ke apa ntah... .." .

Cikgu ketiga mencelah "Alah..kebetulan je agaknyer... .. tak pe, kita tengok besok pulak camana... "

Keesokan harinya macam biasa... pagi-pagi cikgu-cikgu tu lalu depan rumah burung tu... . burung tengah bersenam memusing-musingkan kepaknya 360 darjah... ....."Iyah! iyah! lapan lapan lagi... satu... dua... " dan seterusnya. Bila cikgu ni nak ke sekolah, lalu lagi depan burung... . Burung pun tengok... . dia jerit lagi..

"KELABU!! HIJAU!! PURPLE!!"

Cikgu-cikgu berlari-lari anak tanpa menoleh ke kiri dan ke kanan. Setiba di sekolah guru mereka berbicara lagi...

Cikgu pertama "Memang betul apa yang burung tu cakap... . heh, apa nak buat hah?".

Cikgu kedua "Kita mesti buat something untuk uji burung tu... ".

Cikgu ketiga... ."Aku tau... apa kata esok kita semua pakai color hitam". "Okey...Set! !!!!" balas depa... ..

Keesokan harinya... ... sama juga... . bila cikgu-cikgu tu lalu depan burung tu, burung tu pun teriak..

"HITAM!!HITAM! !!HITAM!! !!"

Cikgu-cikgu tu berlari anak lagi... .di sekolah mereka berbincang.. . .

Cikgu pertama "Nampaknya burung tu mempunyai pandangan mata yang transparent. .. "

Cikgu kedua "Atau pun dia cuma boleh kenal warna... .".

Cikgu ketiga... "Betul tu, mungkin dia dah dilatih untuk meneka warna, tapi tidak dilatih untuk meneka bentuk. Kengkawan, apa kata esok kita jangan pakai sepender langsung." "Orait!! Set!!" depa jawab.

Keesokan harinya, lagi sekali macam biasa di waktu pagi burung buat dek je... . bila cikgu-cikgu tu nak ke sekolah, burung tu tengok... . ditenungnye lama-lama... cikgu-cikgu tu mula tersenyum dan jalan slow-slow... ... sambil toleh-toleh kat burung tu... burung tu tengok lagi... . dia naik-naikkan mata macam Ziana Zain gitu... ... dah tu pusing belakang... dia tengok lagi dengan cara menonggeng.... dah tu dia pandang ke depan balik... dia garu-garu kepala... dah tu usap-usap dagu... dia cekak pinggang... dah tu burung tu pegang dagu lagi... pastu dia senyum... dia jerit lagi kuat kali ni...

"LURUS!!! LURUS!! KERINTING!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!"

Can you read this?

Believe it or not, you can read it..........

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.


Amazing huh?

18 Rules for Life

New Words for the Workplace Vocabulary

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Don't be too busy today...pass along the grins!!

Beauty of Maths

Beauty of Maths

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321


1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111


9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888


Brilliant, isn't it?






And finally, take a look at this symmetry:


1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321


Amazing!!!!

99 Langkah untuk Kesempurnaan Iman

1. Bersyukur apabila mendapat nikmat;
2. Sabar apabila mendapat kesulitan;
3. Tawakal apabila mempunyai rencana/program;
4. Ikhlas dalam segala amal perbuatan;
5. Jangan membiarkan hati larut dalam kesedihan;
6. Jangan menyesal atas sesuatu kegagalan;
7. Jangan putus asa dalam menghadapi kesulitan;
8. Jangan usil dengan kekayaan orang;
9. Jangan hasad dan iri atas kejayaan orang;
10. Jangan sombong kalau memperoleh kejayaan;
11. Jangan tamak kepada harta;
12. Jangan terlalu bercita-cita akan sesuatu kedudukan;
13. Jangan hancur kerana kezaliman;
14. Jangan goyah kerana fitnah;
15. Jangan berkeinginan terlalu tinggi yang melebihi kemampuan diri;
16. Jangan campuri harta dengan harta yang haram;
17. Jangan sakiti ayah dan ibu;
18. Jangan usir orang yang meminta-minta;
19. Jangan sakiti anak yatim;
20. Jauhkan diri dari dosa-dosa yang besar;
21. Jangan membiasakan diri melakukan dosa-dosa kecil;
22. Banyak berkunjung ke rumah Allah (masjid);
23. Lakukan solat dengan ikhlas dan khusyuk;
24. Lakukan solat fardhu di awal waktu, berjamaah di masjid;
25. Biasakan solat malam;
26. Perbanyak zikir dan doa kepada Allah;
27. Lakukan puasa wajib dan puasa sunat;
28. Sayangi dan santuni fakir miskin;
29. Jangan ada rasa takut kecuali hanya kepada Allah;
30. Jangan marah berlebih-lebihan;
31. Cintailah seseorang dengan tidak berlebih-lebihan;
32. Bersatulah kerana Allah dan berpisahlah kerana Allah;
33. Berlatihlah konsentrasi fikiran;
34. Penuhi janji apabila telah diikrarkan dan mintalah maaf apabila kerana sesuatu sebab tidak dapat dipenuhi;
35. Jangan mempunyai musuh, kecuali dengan iblis/syaitan;
36. Jangan percaya ramalan manusia;
37. Jangan terlampau takut miskin;
38. Hormatilah setiap orang;
39. Jangan terlampau takut kepada manusia;
40. Jangan sombong, takabur dan besar kepala;
41. Berlakulah adil dalam segala urusan;
42. Biasakan istighfar dan taubat kepada Allah;
43. Hiasi rumah dengan bacaan Al-Quran;
44. Perbanyak silaturrahim;
45. Tutup aurat sesuai dengan petunjuk Islam;
46. Bicaralah secukupnya;
47. Beristeri/bersuami kalau sudah siap segala-galanya;
48. Hargai waktu, disiplin waktu dan manfaatkan waktu;
49. Biasakan hidup bersih, tertib dan teratur;
50. Jauhkan diri dari penyakit-penyakit batin;
51. Sediakan waktu untuk santai dengan keluarga;
52. Makanlah secukupnya tidak kekurangan dan tidak berlebihan;
53. Hormatilah kepada guru dan ulama;
54. Sering-sering bersalawat kepada nabi;
55. Cintai keluarga Nabi SAW;
56. Jangan terlalu banyak hutang;
57. Jangan terlampau mudah berjanji;
58. Selalu ingat akan saat kematian dan sedar bahawa kehidupan dunia adalah kehidupan sementara;
59. Jauhkan diri dari perbuatan-perbuatan yang tidak bermanfaat seperti berbicara yang tidak berguna;
60. Bergaullah dengan orang-orang soleh;
61. Sering bangun di penghujung malam, berdoa dan beristighfar;
62. Lakukan ibadah haji dan umrah apabila sudah mampu;
63. Maafkan orang lain yang berbuat salah kepada kita;
64. Jangan dendam dan jangan ada keinginan membalas kejahatan dengan kejahatan lagi;
65. Jangan membenci seseorang kerana fahaman dan pendiriannya;
66. Jangan benci kepada orang yang membenci kita;
67. Berlatih untuk berterus-terang dalam menentukan sesuatu pilihan;
68. Ringankan beban orang lain dan tolonglah mereka yang mendapatkan kesulitan;
69. Jangan melukai hati orang lain;
70. Jangan membiasakan berkata dusta;
71. Berlakulah adil, walaupun kita sendiri akan mendapat kerugian;
72. Jagalah amanah dengan penuh tanggungjawab;
73. Laksanakan segala tugas dengan penuh keikhlasan dan kesungguhan;
74. Hormati orang lain yang lebih tua daripada kita;
75. Jangan membuka aib orang lain;
76. Lihatlah orang yang lebih miskin daripada kita, lihat pula orang yang lebih berprestasi dari kita;
77. Ambillah pelajaran dari pengalaman orang-orang arif dan bijaksana;
78. Sediakan waktu untuk merenung apa-apa yang sudah dilakukan;
79. Jangan sedih kerana miskin dan jangan sombong kerana kaya;
80. Jadilah manusia yang selalu bermanfaat untuk agama, bangsa dan negara;
81. Kenali kekurangan diri dan kenali pula kelebihan orang lain;
82. Jangan membuat orang lain menderita dan sengsara;
83. Berkatalah yang baik-baik atau tidak berkata apa-apa;
84. Hargai prestasi dan pemberian orang;
85. Jangan habiskan waktu untuk sekadar hiburan dan kesenangan;
86. Akrablah dengan setiap orang, walaupun yang bersangkutan tidak menyenangkan;
87. Sediakan waktu untuk berolahraga yang sesuai dengan norma-norma agama dan kondisi diri kita;
88. Jangan berbuat sesuatu yang menyebabkan fizikal atau mental kita menjadi terganggu;
89. Ikutilah nasihat orang-orang yang arif dan bijaksana;
90. Pandai-pandailah untuk melupakan kesalahan orang;
91. Pandai-pandailah untuk melupakan jasa kita;
92. Jangan berbuat sesuatu yang menyebabkan orang lain terganggu dan jangan berkata sesuatu yang dapat menyebabkan orang lain terhina;
93. Jangan cepat percaya kepada berita jelek yang menyangkut teman kita sebelum dipastikan kebenarannya;
94. Jangan menunda-nunda pelaksanaan tugas dan kewajiban;
95. Sambutlah huluran tangan setiap orang dengan penuh keakraban dan keramahan dan tidak berlebihan;
96. Jangan memaksa diri untuk melakukan sesuatu yang di luar kemampuan diri;
97. Waspadalah akan setiap ujian, cubaan, godaan dan tentangan. Jangan lari dari kenyataan kehidupan;
98. Yak!inlah bahawa setiap kebajikan akan melahirkan kebaikan dan setiap kejahatan akan melahirkan kerosakan;
99. Jangan sukses di atas penderitaan orang dan jangan kaya dengan memiskinkan orang;
    

"Sebarkanlah walau satu ayat pun." (Sabda Rasulullah SAW)

"Nescaya Allah memperbaiki bagimu amalan-amalanmu dan mengampuni bagimu dosa-dosamu. Dan barangsiapa mentaati Allah dan Rasul-Nya, maka sesungguhnya ia telah mendapat kemenangan yang besar." (Surah Al-Ahzab:71)

10 Tips to Safely Quit Smoking

10 Tips to Safely Quit Smoking

1. Deep breathing is perhaps the single most powerful and important technique, especially during the first few days of quitting. Every time you want a cigarette, inhale the deepest lung-full of air you can, and then, very slowly, exhale. Purse your lips so that the air must come out slowly. Repeat this 3 times, and with each exhale, imagine all the tension in your body just flowing out of you.

2. The first few days, drink LOTS of water and fluids to help flush out the nicotine and other poisons from your body.

3. Remember that the urge to smoke only lasts a few minutes, and will then pass. The urges gradually become farther and farther apart as the days go by.

4. Do your very best to stay away from sugar and coffee the first week or longer, as these tend to stimulate the desire for a cigarette. Avoid fatty foods, as your metabolism will slow down a bit without the nicotine, and you may gain weight even if you eat the same amount as before quitting. So discipline about diet is extra important now.

5. Nibble on low calorie foods like celery, apples and carrots. Chew gum or suck on cinnamon sticks.

6. Stretch out your meals; eat slowly and wait a bit between bites.

7. Go to a gym, sit in the steam, exercise. Change your normal routine – take time to walk or even jog around the block or in a local park.

8. Ask for support from coworkers, friends and family members. Ask for their tolerance. Let them know you're quitting, and that you might be edgy or grumpy for a few days. If you don't ask for support, you certainly won't get any. If you do, you'll be surprised how much it can help. Take a chance -- try it and see!

9. Ask friends and family members not to smoke in your presence. Don't be afraid to ask. This is more important than you may realize.

10. To talk to a free live counselor, Proactive counseling services by trained personnel will be provided to you, both before and after you quit smoking.

- by Patrick Reynolds, founder of the Foundation for a Smokefree America.

Secrets you need to know!

1. The most common name in the world is Muhammad.


2. Coca-Cola was originally green.


3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.


4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.


5. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!


6. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.


7. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.


8. It is impossible to lick your elbow.


9. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.


10. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.


11. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.


12. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.


13. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.


14. Each King on playing cards represent a great King from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; Diamonds - Julius Caesar.


15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321


16. A statue in a park with a soldier on a horse with its two front legs in the air means the soldier died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the soldier died of injuries from battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the soldier died of natural causes.


17. Question - What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women.


18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. - Honey.


19. Question - If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? Ans. - One thousand.


20. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.


21. A snail can sleep for three years.


22. All polar bears are left handed.


23. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.


24. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.


25. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.


26. Butterflies taste with their feet.


27. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.


28. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.


29. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the "honeymoon".


30. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.


31. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.


32. Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump".


33. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight!".


34. Thomas Edison who invented electricity was afraid of the dark.


35. In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".


36. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.


37. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.


38. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.


39. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.


40. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.


41. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.


42. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.


43. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.


44. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


45. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.


46. Most lipstick contains fish scales.


47. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.


48. During historic civil wars, when troops returned without any casualties, a writing was put up so all can see which read "0 Killed". From here we get the expression "O.K." which means all is good.


49. The word "cemetery" comes from the Greek "koimetirion" which means dormitory.


50. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.


51. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.


52. When the English settlers landed in Australia, they noticed a strange animal that jumped extremely high and far. They asked the aboriginal people using body language and signs trying to ask them about this animal. They responded with "Kan Ghu Ru", the English then adopted the word "kangaroo". What the aboriginal people were really trying to say was "we don't understand you", "kan ghu ru".


53. A cockroach can live 9 days without its head. It only dies because it cannot eat.


54. A duck's quack has no echoe, and nobody knows why.


55. Starfish have no brains.


56. Mosquitoes have teeth.


57. Humans and dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure.


58. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow...

Admirable Thoughts

Don't compare yourself with any one in this world.
If you compare, you are insulting yourself.

No one will manufacture a lock without a key.
Similarly God won't give problems without solutions.

Life laughs at you when you are unhappy...
Life smiles at you when you are happy...
Life salutes you when you make others happy...

Every successful person has a painful story.
Every painful story has a successful ending.
Accept the pain and get ready for success.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others.
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.
It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to cover the earth with carpet.

No one can go back and change a bad beginning;
But anyone can start now and create a successful ending.

If a problem can be solved, no need to worry about it.
If a problem cannot be solved, what is the use of worrying?

If you miss an opportunity don't fill the eyes with tears.
It will hide another better opportunity in front of you.

"Changing the Face" can change nothing.
But "Facing the Change" can change everything.
Don't complain about others;
Change yourself if you want peace.

Mistakes are painful when they happen.
But year's later, collection of mistakes is called experience, which leads to success.

Be bold when you loose and be calm when you win.

Heated gold becomes ornament.
Beaten copper becomes wires.
Depleted stone becomes statue.
So the more pain you get in life, the more valuable you become.

Lessons worth remembering

Five-minute business course - lessons worth remembering.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well-informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..


Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!!

*****XXXXX*****

Got this from an email. TQ!

Lawak Cikgu & Anak Murid

Pening2 kepala pasal minyak naik harga watper? Baik baca lawak ni kejap.
_________________________

Seorang guru lukisan sedang melihat kertas lukisan milik pelajarnya yang paling malas.

Cikgu: "Lukisan apa yang kau buat nie Abu, kosong je?"
Murid: "Kuda makan rumput, cikgu!"
Cikgu: "Rumputnya mana?"
Murid: "Sudah habis dimakan kuda, cikgu,"
Cikgu: "Habis tu, kudanya mana?"
Murid: "Sudah pergi, cikgu! Kalau rumputnya sudah habis, buat apa kuda tu masih di situ?"
_________________________

Ada sorang cikgu pompuan yg mengajar Bahasa Inggeris utk thn 1. Dia bagi assignment kat murid2x suruh cari 3 perkataan Inggeris dan kemukakan pada hari isnin nanti.

Ada sorang anak murid cikgu itu pun berjalan balik ke rumah. Dalam perjalanan balik, dia nampak sepasang suami-isteri keluar dari kereta dan sedang menjerit pada satu sama lain. Dia terdengar lelaki tu menyergah "Shut up you!!"

Sampai rumah dia tanya bapa dia, "shut up you tu bahasa inggeris ke?". Bapa dia kata, "iye".

Dapat dah satu perkataan, ingat budak tu. Lepas mandi dan makan, dia tengok tv cerita superman. Masa superman nak terbang dia kata "Superman!!!" Dia tanya bapak dia lagi, "superman tu bahasa inggeris?" dan bapa dia kata "yes".

Dua perkataan dah, kata budak itu. Lepas tengok tv, dia ke perpustakaan. Dia nampak ada sorang lelaki dan sorang pompuan sedang bertengkar berebut buku. Pompuan itu kata "Ladies first". Balik rumah dia tanya lagi dan bapa dia kata itupun bahasa inggeris. Ah, leganya kata budak itu.

Hari Isnin dia ke sekolah, cikgu tanya dia tentang perkataan baru.

Cikgu: OK boy, did you get the words?
Budak: Yes, teacher.
Cikgu: Good, what is your first word?
Budak: Shut up you !!!
Cikgu: What did you say? Are you mad? Who do you think you are?
Budak: Superman !!!
Cikgu: Bloody fool! Get out from this class
Budak: Ladies First...
_________________________

Che'gu Nasyor sedang mengendali kelasnya dalam aktiviti sukan di padang sekolah. Seperti biasa, Che'gu Nasyor akan menyuruh murid²nya melakukan regangan otot. Tiba di satu bahagian, di mana murid² baring dan mengangkat kaki lalu menggerakkannya seperti sedang mengayuh basikal. Che'gu Nasyor asyik memerhati seorang muridnya yang pada mulanya menggerakkan kakinya tiba² memberhentikan kakinya. Lalu Che'gu Nasyor menyergah muridnya yang bernama Man Tapah.

"Woiiii Man, apa sebab kau berhenti ni hah?"
"Oh Che'gu Nasyor, basikal saya tengah turun bukit Che'gu, sebab tu saya berhenti. Takkan nak kayuh jugak."
_________________________

Waktu sekolah telah tamat. Sebelum keluar kelas, Che'gu Nasyor telah bertanya kpd murid²nya.

Che'gu: Siapa nak masuk/pergi syurga?

Semua murid mengangkat tangan kecuali Man Tapah lalu Che'gu Nasyor pun berkata:

Che'gu: Man, kenapa awak tak nak pergi/masuk syurga?
Man: Mak saya cakap lepas habis sekolah, terus balik rumah..jangan pergi mana-mana.
_________________________

Che'gu Nasyor sedang mengajar Bahasa Melayu dalam kelas 1 Mawar...
Che'gu: Man, boleh kamu buat ayat dengan menggunakan perkataan tepung?
Man: Itu senang saja cikgu.. ayatnya ialah.... emak sedang membuat kek di dapur.
Che'gu: Mana tepungnya??
Man: Tepung kan ke dalam kek tu.... Che'gu nie tak sekolah ke hape??
_________________________

Seperti biasa, Che'gu Nasyor nie mengajar pelajar di Sekolah Agama. Che'gu Nasyor mengajar budak tahun satu. Pada hari tersebut, beliau mengajar bab "cara berwudhuk". Selepas mengajar, beliau (Che'gu) selalu meminta muridnya bertanyakan soalan jika terdapat kemusykilan.

Che'gu: Ada sesiapa hendak bertanyakan soalan?

Tiba² seorang anak muridnye mengangkat tangan, nama murid tu adalah Man Tapah.

Man: Ada Che'gu. Saya ada satu kemusykilan. Boleh tak kita ambil wudhuk dua kali?
Che'gu: Boleh, tapi kenapa sampai dua kali ambil wudhuk?
Man: Saya ambil dua kali sebab kalau saya terkentut, wudhuk lagi satu tu boleh buat spare part!
Che'gu: Allahhuakbarr!!!
_________________________

Che'gu Nasyor: Joe, cuba terangkan apakah tugas akar pokok pisang?
Joe: Untuk mencari makanan, che'gu.
Che'gu Nasyor: Bagus! Sekarang giliran Wati pulak. Apakah tugas batang pokok pisang?
Wati: Untuk membawa makanan yang dicari akarnya, che'gu.
Che'gu Nasyor: Bagus! Sekarang giliran Man Tapah pula. Apakah tugas daun pisang?
Man Tapah: Untuk membungkus nasi lemak, che'gu...
Che'gu Nasyor: Uiiii... lagi bagus... berdiri atas meja sampai habis kelas...
_________________________

Cikgu: Encik, anak awak didapati meniru Ali dalam exam.
Bapa: Apa bukti awak?
Cikgu: Encik tengok soalan nombor 4 nie. Siapakah menemui Pulau Pinang? Seman tulis "Saya tak tahu" dan anak encik tulis "Kalau engkau tak tahu, aku lagi la tak tahu"".
_________________________

Ada seorang guru tadika yg tidak percaya wujudnya tuhan dan die pun berfikir bagaimana nak brain wash kanak2 di tadika tersebut supaya tak percaya wujudnya tuhan. Die pun mendapat satu akal...

Guru tadika: Anak2, nampak tak pen ni.
Ank2: Nampak cikgu.
Guru tadika: Pen ade kn?
Ank2: Ader cikgu.

Kemudian guru tadika tadi memasukkn pen itu dalam poket die, kemudian bertanya lagi..

Guru tadika: Anak2, nampak tak pen?
Ank2: Tak nampak cikgu.
Guru tadika: Pen ade tak?
Ank2: Takder cikgu.
Guru tadika: Anak2 nampk tuhan tak?
Ank2: Tak nampk cikgu.
Guru tadika: Tuhan ader tak?
Ank2: Takder cikgu.

Guru tadika tadi sangat gembira sebab tujuan die nak brainwash otak budak2 tu berjaya. Tetapi dalam banyak2 budak tu ader seorang budak yang pintar, dan die pun mengangkat tangan...

Bdk Pintar: Cikgu bleh saya cakap sesuatu?
Guru tadika: Bleh, mari ke depan.
Bdk Pintar: Kawan2 nampk cikgu tak?
Kwn2: Nampak.
Bdk Pintar: Cikgu ader kn?
Kwn2: Ader.
Bdk Pintar: Kawan2 nampak otak cikgu tak?
Kwn2: Tak nampak.
Bdk Pintar: Cikgu ader otak tak?
Kwn2: Tak ader!!
_________________________

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter? How would you say it?"
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny answered by saying, "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.
_________________________

Memperdaya-diperdaya (minyak naik)

Someone sent me this. I am not anti-government nor pro-opposition but I want is what most Malaysians want; lower cost of living! That's all.

I just copy-pasted the whole email into my blog, just to ponder together.

*****xxxxx*****

Memperdaya - diperdaya (MINYAK NAIK)

Thursday, June 05, 2008. Semalam dalam akhbar tempatan, kerajaan telah keluarkan satu statistik kononnya harga minyak di Malaysia adalah yang paling rendah di rantau ini. Kemudian mereka membandingkan harga minyak Malaysia dengan harga minyak di Thailand, Singapore, Filipina dan Vietnam.

Persoalan sekarang, apakah asas perbandingan tersebut sedangkan negara-negara tersebut bukan pengeluar minyak? Hujah seperti inilah yang digunakan oleh barisan pemimpin untuk memperbodohkan orang kampung.

Ok, di sini fakta yang semua orang kena tahu. Pertama sekali sila lihat perbandingan harga minyak Malaysia dan negara-negara pengeluar minyak yang lain:-

Negara Harga minyak seliter (dalam RM)

Malaysia RM 2.70
Iran RM 0.29
Venezuela RM 0.16
Turkemenistan RM 0.39
Arab Saudi RM 0.19
Mesir RM 0.81

Dari data di atas, membuktikan propaganda kerajaan adalah palsu dan tidak benar. Kesemua negara pengeluar minyak di atas, harga minyak adalah di bawah RM1.00 seliter. Ada sesetengah alasan mengatakan keluaran minyak kita tak sebanyak Arab Saudi yang mengeluarkan sejuta tong sehari.

Menurut kerajaan, pengeluaran minyak kita adalah dalam lingkungan 700 ribu tong sehari. Oleh itu kalau berdasarkan ratio pengeluaran minyak antara Arab Saudi dan Malaysia 1 juta : 700 ribu, sepatutnya harga minyak Malaysia dalam lingkungan RM0.30 sen sahaja. Kenapa Arab Saudi boleh kekalkan harga minyak pada 0.19 sen seliter tapi Malaysia pada 1.92 sen? Bukankah jauh bezanya? Bagaimana pula dengan Venezuela yang jumlah penduduk hampir sama dengan Malaysia boleh kekalkan harga minyak pada 0.16 sen seliter sahaja?

Ini menunjukkan ada sesuatu yang tak kena dalam menguruskan hasil minyak dalam negara. Ketika DSAI menjawat jawatan Menteri Kewangan Malaysia pada tahun 1991-1998, harga minyak dikekalkan pada 1.10 sen seliter. Bagaimana beliau boleh mengekalkan harga minyak selama lapan tahun sedangkan harga minyak dunia naik mendadak ketika perang teluk di Iraq?

Pada masa yang sama juga pembangunan dan projek-projek banyak juga dijalankan dalam negara tanpa perlu naikkan harga minyak. Tapi pemimpin kerajaan beri alasan untuk naikkan harga minyak supaya duit tersebut dapat tampung projek pembangunan.

Masalah sekarang projek pembangunan untuk faedah siapa? Rakyat atau kroni? Berapa kerat orang yang dapat faedah dari koridor pembangunan di sana-sini?

Subsidi minyak yang ditanggung kerajaan mencapai 35 billion setahun. Kerajaan bersungguh-sungguh untuk mengurangkan subsidi minyak ini kerana kalau harga minyak tidak dinaikkan dengan segera ianya akan mengganggu peruntukan kerajaan bagi membangunkan koridor-koridor di seluruh negara yang bernilai ratusan billion.

Yang orang asyik berhujah ialah harga minyak perlu dinaikkan kerana harga minyak dunia telah naik. Ada yang mengatakan ia masalah global. So yang kita fikir ialah kenapa nak risau tentang harga minyak dunia yang melambung naik kerana sepatutnya sebagai negara pengeluar minyak, Malaysia seharusnya gembira kerana bila harga minyak dunia naik, pendapatan Petronas jadi berlipat ganda.

So apa masalahnya? Walaupun Malaysia ada mengimport minyak dari luar untuk kegunaan tempatan, tapi bila dah net off dari pendapatan export, masih untung besar lagi. Adakah negara akan bankrupt kalau turunkan harga minyak?? Sudah tentu tidak. Sila lihat statistik di bawah:-

Allocation untuk mega projek:-

Koridor Utara : RM 17.5 billion
Koridor Timur : RM 112 billion
Wilayah Iskandar : RM 47 billion
Koridor Sabah : RM 105 billion
Koridor Sarawak : RM 107 billion

Bila kerajaan membuat pelan untuk pembangunan projek di atas, sudah tentulah kerajaan mempunyai wang yang banyak. Jadi, jika kerajaan sanggup membelanjakan ratusan billion untuk projek pembangunan seperti di atas yang hanya boleh dimanafaatkan oleh segelintir rakyat sahaja, kenapa nak tampung subsidi 35 billion setahun pun tak mampu? Mana yang lebih penting? Mana yang perlu diutamakan? Kebajikan rakyat atau projek mega?

Bila menteri-menteri beri komen tentang ekonomi, semuanya berkata yang bagus-bagus, tapi bila bercakap soal subsidi minyak, dah cakap lain pulak. So kalau TPM kata turunkan harga minyak akan buat negara bankrup, bagaimana projek ratusan billion di atas? Tak bankrupkah negara dengan projek ratusan billion tersebut?

Perlu diingat bahawa di samping pendapatan hasil petroleum, negara juga mempunyai hasil dari sumber lain seperti getah, sawit, taxation, balak dan lain-lain. Pendapatan tahunan negara kalau diambil kira harga minyak yang melambung naik bakal mencecah 200 billion setahun.

Dari jumlah tersebut susah sangat ke nak sumbangkan 50 billion untuk beri subsidi pada rakyat?

Ni korang compare ngan Turkmenistan.

Oil - production: 196,700 bbl/day (2005 est.)
GDP - per capita (PPP): $9,200 (2007 est.)

Ni Malaysia punya:

Oil - production: 751,800 bbl/day (2005 est.)
GDP - per capita (PPP): $14,400 (2007 est.)

Fikir-fikirkanlah sendiri...

*****xxxxx*****

Yep, mari kita fikirkan bersama, tapi fikir sampai pecah kepala pun, harga tetap tak turun punyelah!! So marilah kita sama-sama berdoa agar sesuatu yg "baru" benar-benar berlaku bila tiba masanya nanti.

EURO 2008 FEVER!

All soccer fans take heed!

TM is the Malaysian official online partner for EUFA Euro 2008, and we have lined up exciting programmes and promotions to hype up this prestigious football event of the year.

Live on Hypp.tv

Malaysians who are EURO 2008 die-hard fans will now have the option of watching free content live on Hypp.tv via their PCs, laptops, PDAs or any other devices. Not only that, you can also access the online games, news, chatrooms, upload videos, view the photo gallery of all 16 football teams and much more. Express your creativity through “Declare your Loyalty” contest by composing cheers for your favourite team at http://www.hypp.tv/. The most creative cheers will win attractive prizes. It’s all about Football at http://www.hypp.tv/!

Don’t forget to watch our TV commercials and radio ads promoting Hypp.tv throughout this Euro 2008 season at http://www.tm.com.my/. These TV commercials will be aired on TV3, NTV7, TV9 and 8TV from 5 June 2008 and has also been broadcasted on Hot.FM.

iTalk Special Edition and Contest

Collect special edition iTalk cards of Thierry Henry, Dimitar Berbatov, Cesc Fabrigas, Miroslav Klose, Fernando Tores and Christiano Ronaldo at your nearest TMpoint and more than 10,000 outlets displaying the iTalk signage. Use your iTalk card and stand a chance to win a 42” LCD TV and many more prizes in the iTalk European Super Stars 2008 contest starting from 1 June until 31 July 2008. Register now at http://www.italkbuddy.com.my/ and submit your prediction for the winner of the UEFA Euro 2008 and create an exciting slogan.

Events and Activities

TM has collaborated with Celcom and Media Prima to organize various interesting activities for Euro 2008 with the tagline “Expect Emotions”. Come and join in the fun and win exclusive Football Fever prizes. Visit TM counters at these events taking place nationwide this month:

- TM Carnival
- Streamyx Carnival
- Celcom Euro Roadshow
- Celcom Euro Viewing Party
- Euro 2008 Viewing Party
- Friendly Football Match
- FA Cup – Malaysian League
- Hot.FM Mini Jam
- Euro 2008 Fever

EURO 2008 kicks off tomorrow with the Opening Match between Switzerland and the Czech Republic. There’s going to be a Viewing Party specially organised at Sri Pentas Bandar Utama, with a giant screen, exciting futsal games, attractive lucky draw, loads of prizes, and hopefully a great match to end the night.

• EURO PARTY
• Sri Pentas, TV3, Bandar Utama
• 7 June 2008 (Saturday)
• 4pm - 3am
• Live on giant screen - Switzerland vs Czech Republic (12am)

See you there!

*****XXXXX*****

P/s: See the photos here.

Minyak NAIK lagi!!

Nasib badan. Mulai smlm 5 Jun 2008, harga petrol naik lg dr RM1.92/liter to RM2.70/liter. Peningkatan mendadak hampir 41%! Orangramai bersesak-sesak menuju ke stesen2 minyak berdekatan bila PM umumkan secara rasmi dan berita mulai tersebar luas.

Malam tu, aku spt biasa je nak balik dari ofis naik motor kapcai aku brand Yamaha Lagenda (110cc, so dapatla aku claim rebet rm150 bila renew roadtax nanti...huh! rm150 jer?), tengok2 jalan dah jam giler start dari depan ofis aku di Damansara Utama, all the way sepanjang LDP to my apt in Bandar Sunway. Satu sebabnya ialah bnyk kenderaan nak menyimpang ke stesen2 minyak yg terletak di sepnjng LDP tu, penuh menyebabkan depa semua Q sehingga melimpah ke highway!!

Aku yg naik motor ni pun nak cilok2 pun payah, perjalanan biasa ambik masa 10-15 minit jadi almost 45 minit!! Tu pun aku malas nak top-up full minyak motor aku tu sbb motor pun Q panjang giler!! Sampai kat area apt aku, penuh kenderaan nak tunggu turn masuk ke Shell yg dekat situ, plan aku nak refill penuh tank Wira aku pun tak jadi, walaupun tank memang dah almost empty dah. Malas aku nak sangkut dalam jam tu, baik aku gi main badminton jer, kebetulan setiap malam rabu jam 9 mlm aku main bdmntn ngn kengkawan kat Dewan Serbaguna Tmn Dato Hormat sampai jam 11 mlm. Balik dari main bdmntn tu pun aku tengok masih banyak vehicles menunggu turn, siap dgn lorry tanker 2 bijik pun dah ada nak top-up tangki minyak Shell tu. Licin beb minyak malam tu. Member2 seluruh Malaysia pun ada sms menceritakan keperitan Q nak isi minyak. Ada yg lebih malang, dahla berjam-jam tunggu, sampai turn, aleh2 minyak pulak habis. Kes naya ajer. Terlebih sudahhh!!

Aku fikir, isi penuh satu tank Wira aku tu pun berapa lama sangat tahannya, although aku leh save abt rm30 kalau isi penuh malam tu. Tapi esok lusa, kena isi jgk lagi. Aku duk kira2, dlm sebulan, minyak motor aku pakai dalam rm60, so harga baru ni, kos bertambahlah rm25. Minyak kereta dalam rm200 sebulan, so tmbhlah rm82. Belum lagi chain-reaction effectnya, harga barang2 dan perkhidmatan dah tentu akan naik. Kos sara hidup pasti meningkat, wallet pasti mengempis!!

Dlm paper hari ni, kos pengangkutan lori dah naik, so expectlah harga barang2 keperluan harian naik lagi lepas ni. Bank Negara pun duk expect inflation rate maybe naik to 5% from the current average 2.5% to 3%. Aku duk jangka, harga rokok pun mungkin naik even b4 sblm gomen naikkan tobacco tax utk bajet 2009 nanti. Skrg Dunhill 20s harga rm8.2, mungkin naik rm8.4, then lepas bajet naik jd rm9 or even rm10 sekotak nanti. Aduhaiiii, plan nak berenti merokok dah bertahun2 dah, tapi tak stop2 jgk, lagi kuat ada ler. Mungkin kena kurangkan banyak merokok ni, or tukar brand murah, tapi brand murah ni, rasanya tak sodap la plak, baik takyah hisap! Takpun, hisap rokok daun jer. Or hisap rokok yg taruk tembakau dalam paper yg kena gulung sendiri tu. Tak retilah aku!

Cuba kita tengok sikit sejarah kenaikan harga minyak di negara kita ni:

1. sebelum tahun 1990 - RM 0.89
2. tahun 1990 - RM 1.10 (kenaikan RM 0.21)
3. 01/10/2000 - RM 1.20 (kenaikan RM 0.10)
4. 20/10/2001 - RM 1.30 (kenaikan RM 0.10)
5. 01/05/2002 - RM 1.32 (kenaikan RM 0.02)
6. 31/10/2002 - RM 1.33 (kenaikan RM 0.01)
7. 01/03/2003 - RM 1.35 (kenaikan RM 0.02)
8. 01/05/2004 - RM 1.37 (kenaikan RM 0.02)
9. 01/10/2004 - RM 1.42 (kenaikan RM 0.05)
10. 05/05/2005 - RM 1.52 (kenaikan RM 0.10)
11. 31/07/2005 - RM 1.62 (kenaikan RM 0.10)
12. 28/02/2006 - RM 1.92 (kenaikan RM 0.30)
13. 4/06/2008 - RM2.70 (kenaikan RM0.78)

Peritnyalah kesan minyak naik ni. Bg org2 yg berpendapatan sederhana ok mcm aku ni, leh la survive lagi, walaupun terasalah jugak. Tp cmana plak ngn depa yg berpendapatan rendah? Keluarga besar, income di bawah paras kemiskinan. Banyak lagi org2 miskin dan takde income stabil dan memuaskan dalam Mesia ni. Bgmana dgn mereka? Kesiannya. Ubah cara hidup? Cara hidup mereka pun ada yg kais pagi makan pagi, nak ubah camananya lagi? Kais pagi makan tengahari, kasi petang makan pagi esok? Utk org2 yg memang sentiasa terlebih duit tu, takpela, bolehla ubah cara hidup, dari makan 5-star turun 4-star, dari lepak hari2 minum kopi berbelas2 ringgit secawan, lepak jer 2-3 hari seminggu, dari shopping di London, Paris, New York, shopping jer kat Singapore, or dr Singapore tukar ke Suria KLCC. Depa bolehlah, org2 yg setiap bulan menunggu gaji yg cukup tak cukup tu, nak ubah cara hidup camana laginya?

Cuba lihat sikit perbandingan dgn negara2 pengeluar minyak yg lain, kita ni negara pengeluar, boleh eksport lagi minyak, bukan negara 100% pengimport minyak mcm negara jiran utara, barat dan selatan kita.

• UAE: RM1.19/liter
• Eygpt: RM1.03/liter
• Bahrain: RM0.87/liter
• Qatar: RM0.68/liter
• Kuwait: RM0.67/liter
• Saudi Arabia: RM0.38/liter
• Iran: RM0.35/liter
• Nigeria: RM0.32/liter
• Turkmenistan: RM0.25/liter
• MALAYSIA: RM2.70/liter

Memanglah tak setinggi harga di UK (rm7/liter) or US (rm5/liter) tapi pendapatan per kapita rakyat depa jauh lebih tinggi dari kita semua ni. Even rakyat negara jiran pun earning more than us, tapi time nak isi minyak, isi kat negara kita jugak. Hmmmm, what an irony!

Udahla naik melampau, secara mengejut monyet lak tu. Kata nak tunggu Ogos, tak jadi plak, at least, tunggulah sehingga habis cuti sekolah ni ke. Kesian parents yg bawa anak2 cuti2 jauh tu, terpaksa keluarkan extra cost secara mengejut jugak. Terbantut la jugak plan nak gi cuti2 Mesia aku. Heh heh....cuti asyik plan jer, tapi tak pegi2 pun lagi, duit habis gak, savings ada tak de jer aku ni. Hampeh! 28hb ni nak kena balik Ganu plak ni, kenduri kahwin anak sedara aku yg comel-lote tu. Kalau sorang, aku tak baliklah, nasib kakak n abg aku nak join sama, so leh la tong-tong duit minyak kereta dan tol.

Apapun, nak wat camana. Harungi jerlah, bebanyakkan sabar, doa dan tawakkal. Aku harap satu jer, semoga betul2 ada perubahan "besar" menjelang sambutan Hari Malaysia kita nanti. Kita tengok plak camana selepas tu.

Lawak SAMDOL

SAM: Kenapa kamu cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu terajang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.

===================================

SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit.

===================================

SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. Aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!

===================================

SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah.... hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer....

===================================

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah!

===================================

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari ini "candle light dinner" dengan bini kau, mesti dia suka.
DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku dah kena potong!

===================================

SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada...
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu...

===================================

SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.

===================================

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard "SILA DATANG LAGI"

===================================

Someone emailed me this. TQ!

A Little German Town Named . . .

Yes, it is for real!!

The town's location in Germany can be found in the map below.

The newspaper article is even funnier than the sign!

Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the Fucking High School ?

Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend!

NOW YOU CAN FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FUCKING!

A friend forwarded this to me..lol :-0 TQ!

Lawak TM

Telekom punya telefon.

Ada sorang lelaki bernama Bedal, baru buka perniagaan khidmat nasihat. Officenya amat canggih, sederet dengan beberapa ofis yang lain. Bedal seorang pakar perunding perniagaan, baru tamat belajar di luar negara, jadi nak mencuba nasib dalam bidang perniagaan, tekad tak mahu kerja ngan orang lain. Ofis dia masih baru, baru renovate la katakan.

Selepas sebulan ofis dibuka, perniagaan Bedal masih belum bergerak, sampai sekarang satu bisnes pun tak dapat lagi. Sampai sekarang sorang pun belum pernah singgah kat ofis/kedai dia tu. Bedal pening, signboard kat luar ofis dia tu mahal tuuuuu, beribu ringgit. Lobi sambut tetamu dah canggih, cuma belum ada pekerja lagi, Bedal sorang2 je handle.

Pada suatu hari, ada seorang lelaki masuk kedai dia, apa lagi Bedal pun berasa bangga giler, 1st customer la katakan. Bedal cepat2 duduk kat meja dia, ambil phone Telekom atas meja dia tu, berlakon olok-olok bercakap dengan seseorang, saje je nak tunjuk perniagaan dia memang bagus giler, perniagaan ribu2 ringgit.

Sambil menyuruh lelaki tu duduk depan dia, dan suruh tunggu kejap kerana dia masih cakap kat phone tu (padahal berlakon aje), ini perbualan Bedal di telefon:

“Ye Dato’, ooo pasal project tu dato’, saya akan uruskan dato’, ala dato’ bayar kat saya beratus ribu, takkan saya main2 buat kerja ni dato’, lagi pun sudah terlalu banyak perniagaan yang menjadi bukti kejayaan kami, itu dah cukup menggambarkan keberkesanan perkhidmatan kami……ok dato’…baik dato’…Oklah dato’…nanti kita jumpa kat Hotel Hilton malam ni….ok dato’….bye!”

Bedal pun meletakkan telefon, lalu mula bersembang dengan lelaki yang duduk terkebil-kebil di depannya tadi, menunggu Bedal.

“Ya encik, terima kasih kerana memerlukan khidmat nasihat perniagaan kami, maaf kerana menunggu tadi, maklumlah perniagaan kami terlalu pesat berkembang, tak menang tangan, banyak sangat permintaan. Ya, ada apa yang kami boleh bantu dalam perniagaan encik?” tanya Bedal.

Lelaki tu menjawab “Saya technician Telekom, nak sambungkan line telefon tu, magic gak encik ni, macamana boleh guna phone kalau takde line?”

Bedal pun %$@&^% ^*%^*^ $!!$#$&, cuci muka ngan air longkang! Maluuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuangg... Kuanggg... Kuangggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!

Kisah Janda yang Dahaga

"Nama yang terdapat di dalam cerita ini adalah samaran semata-mata dan tiada kaitan dengan sesiapa yang masih hidup maupun yang telah tiada"

Maria, Janda Yang Dahaga...

Ini sebuah kisah mengenai seorang isteri yang baru sahaja diceraikan suami.

Maria seorang janda kaya yang baru sahaja diceraikan suaminya akibat nak berbini lain. Beliau masih muda lagi dan mempunyai potongan badan yang cantik.

:

Sejak diceraikan suaminya, beliau sentiasa diusik oleh pemuda-pemuda kampung yang sudah lama memendam rasa kepadanya. Namun begitu, Maria tidak pernah melayan karenah pemuda-pemuda kampung tersebut, kerana hatinya masih lagi merindui bekas suaminya, walaupun hatinya berasa amat sepi ketika waktu ini.

:

:

:

:

Lebih-lebih lagi di waktu malam... Rasa sepi hatinya tiada siapa yang tahu...

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Pada satu malam, kira-kira pukul 2 pagi.. beliau terbangun dari katilnya... badannya terasa panas.... tekaknya terasa haus....beliau terasa begitu dahaga sekali.

;

;

;

;

;

Beliau bangun dan keluar dari bilik menuju ke dapur, sampai saja di dapur, beliau terus membuka peti ais dan mengambil sebotol air sejuk, beliau tuang ke dalam cawan dan meminumnya.

;

;

;

Setelah meminum air tersebut.. beliau kembali ke dalam bilik dan tidur semula....

...........

...........

............

.............

Sekian... Terima Kasih.

Itulah kisah seorang janda yang dahaga.....




Wah, sepenuh hati korang membacanya yer.....heheheheheheheheeee ;-)

Tujuh Kalimah Suci

Sabda Rasulullah SAW, "Barangsiapa yang hafal dan mengamalkan tujuh kalimah ini akan dimuliakan oleh Allah dan malaikat dan akan diampuni dosa-dosanya walau sebanyak buih di lautan."

1. Bismillahhirrahmannirrahim - pada tiap-tiap hendak melakukan sesuatu.
2. Alhamdullillah - pada tiap-tiap habis melakukan sesuatu.
3. Astagfirrullah - jika tersilap mengatakan sesuatu yang buruk.
4. Insyaallah - jika ingin melakukan sesuatu pada masa akan datang.
5. Lahaula wala quwata illah billah - bila tidak dapat melakukan sesuatu yang agak berat atau melihat sesuatu yang buruk.
6. Innalillah wain na illahirajiun - jika menghadapi musibah atau melihat kematian.
7. La ila ha il lallah - bacalah sepanjang siang dan malam sebanyak-banyaknya.

Amalkanlah selalu moga-moga kita tergolong di kalangan orang yang terpilih oleh Allah.

Sebarkan @ forwardkan pada semua kenalan anda. Sabda Rasulullah SAW, "Siapa yang menyampaikan satu ilmu dan orang yang mengamalkannya maka dia akan beroleh pahala walaupun sudah tiada."

Allah won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

Karnival TM 2008 Taman Metropolitan

Dijemput datang beramai-ramai ke Karnival TM 2008 yang akan diadakan seperti berikut:

Tarikh : 1 Jun 2008, Ahad
Masa : 8.00 pagi hingga 7.00 malam
Lokasi : TAMAN METROPOLITAN KEPONG

Pelbagai tawaran menarik untuk produk dan perkhidmatan TM disediakan khusus untuk hari ini. Para pelanggan berpeluang untuk memenangi hadiah-hadiah dengan setiap langganan Talian Kediaman TM.

Di samping itu, pelbagai aktiviti dan hiburan turut diadakan seperti:

Pertandingan mewarna dan sand art untuk kanak-kanak tadika
Pertandingan karaoke
Pertandingan layang-layang
Pertandingan Teh Tarik
Quiz

serta beberapa aktiviti lagi yang bakal menjanjikan hadiah kepada para pesertanya.

Jangan lepaskan peluang untuk datang ke karnival ini.

Bawalah keluarga serta rakan-rakan anda dan jumpa anda di sana!

Have a laugh!

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
.....................................................................

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
......................................................................

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
......................................................................

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
......................................................................

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
......................................................................

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
......................................................................

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
......................................................................

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
......................................................................

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
......................................................................

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
......................................................................

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
......................................................................

A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."
......................................................................

Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
......................................................................

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
......................................................................

Wonderful Definitions

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Dictionary: A place where "success" comes before "work".

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

---the end---

Someone emailed me this. TQ.

Lawak Guru dan Sin Chan

---Dialog Guru dan Sin Chan---

Guru: Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan perlahan."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y-A"
Guru: Bukan, salah tu.
Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah, tapi Cikgu tanya saya macam mana saya mengejanya, itulah yang saya eja!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kan kelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana Amerika Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu.
Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa Amerika Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10 tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakit yang disebabkan oleh gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigit serangga.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*

Guru: Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu berlaku secara kebetulan?
Sin Chan: Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama, pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sungguh stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna hijau berbintik hitam dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru!
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan kerana terdapat sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakah awak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu, saya tak perlu buat begitu, kerana saya tahu ibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sin Chan, karangan awak "Anjing Saya" adalah sama seperti yang dikarang oleh adik awak. Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu, ia hanyalah anjing yang sama!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti-henti bercakap tetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I got this from an email. TQ.

What CIA wrote about Malaysia

According to the site, the info was last updated on 15 May 2008.

Background:

During the late 18th and 19th centuries, Great Britain established colonies and protectorates in the area of current Malaysia; these were occupied by Japan from 1942 to 1945. In 1948, the British-ruled territories on the Malay Peninsula formed the Federation of Malaya, which became independent in 1957. Malaysia was formed in 1963 when the former British colonies of Singapore and the East Malaysian states of Sabah and Sarawak on the northern coast of Borneo joined the Federation. The first several years of the country's history were marred by a Communist insurgency, Indonesian confrontation with Malaysia, Philippine claims to Sabah, and Singapore's secession from the Federation in 1965. During the 22-year term of Prime Minister MAHATHIR bin Mohamad (1981-2003), Malaysia was successful in diversifying its economy from dependence on exports of raw materials to expansion in manufacturing, services, and tourism.

(Why no mention at all of the PM after Dr M in the Background section? Or all the PMs before him?)

Flag description:

14 equal horizontal stripes of red (top) alternating with white (bottom); there is a blue rectangle in the upper hoist-side corner bearing a yellow crescent and a yellow 14-pointed star; the crescent and the star are traditional symbols of Islam; the design was based on the flag of the US.




(Hmmm, our flag really does look like US' flag, but is the allegation that it was "based" on the US' flag true?)

Economy - overview:

Malaysia, a middle-income country, has transformed itself since the 1970s from a producer of raw materials into an emerging multi-sector economy. Since coming to office in 2003, Prime Minister ABDULLAH has tried to move the economy farther up the value-added production chain by attracting investments in high technology industries, medical technology, and pharmaceuticals. The Government of Malaysia is continuing efforts to boost domestic demand to wean the economy off of its dependence on exports. Nevertheless, exports - particularly of electronics - remain a significant driver of the economy. As an oil and gas exporter, Malaysia has profited from higher world energy prices, although the rising cost of domestic gasoline and diesel fuel forced Kuala Lumpur to reduce government subsidies. Malaysia "unpegged" the ringgit from the US dollar in 2005 and the currency appreciated 6% per year against the dollar in 2006-07. Although this has helped to hold down the price of imports, inflationary pressures began to build in 2007. Healthy foreign exchange reserves and a small external debt greatly reduce the risk that Malaysia will experience a financial crisis over the near term similar to the one in 1997. The government presented its five-year national development agenda in April 2006 through the Ninth Malaysia Plan, a comprehensive blueprint for the allocation of the national budget from 2006-10. With national elections expected within the year, ABDULLAH has unveiled a series of ambitious development schemes for several regions that have had trouble attracting business investment. Real GDP growth has averaged about 6% per year under ABDULLAH, but regions outside of Kuala Lumpur and the manufacturing hub Penang have not fared as well.

(Nonetheless, the current PM is mentioned extensively here)

Telephone system:

general assessment: modern system; international service excellent.
domestic: good intercity service provided on Peninsular Malaysia mainly by microwave radio relay; adequate intercity microwave radio relay network between Sabah and Sarawak via Brunei; domestic satellite system with 2 earth stations; combined fixed-line and mobile cellular teledensity approaching 100 per 100 persons.
international: country code - 60; landing point for several major international submarine cable networks that provide connectivity to Asia, Middle East, and Europe; satellite earth stations - 2 Intelsat (1 Indian Ocean, 1 Pacific Ocean) (2001).

(At least, they praised us for our excellent telephone system. So what is the company that provided all these excellent sytems since before independence? TM, of course!)

Trafficking in persons:

current situation: Malaysia is a destination and, to a lesser extent, a source and transit country for women and children trafficked for the purposes of sexual exploitation; foreign victims, mostly women and girls from Burma, Cambodia, China, Indonesia, the Philippines, Thailand, and Vietnam, are trafficked to Malaysia for commercial sexual exploitation; economic migrants from countries in the region who work as domestic servants or laborers in the construction and agricultural sectors face exploitative conditions in Malaysia that meet the definition of involuntary servitude; some Malaysian women, primarily of Chinese ethnicity, are trafficked abroad for sexual exploitation.
tier rating: Tier 3 - lack of satisfactory progress in combating trafficking in 2006; the government failed to prosecute traffickers arrested and detained under existing law and failed to provide adequate shelters and services to victims of trafficking.

(Phewww!! What an embarrassment to our beloved country if only all of these allegations were true)

You can read more here.

Lawak 18SX

• Wanita lebih sejuk dari peti ais kerana ada barang yang belum sempat dimasuk, sudahpun keras!
• Kajian mendapati bayi lelaki lebih manja dari bayi perempuan. Bayi perempuan paling lama menyusu hingga 2 tahun tapi bayi lelaki menyusu hingga ke tua.
• Petua untuk isteri, kalau mahu tahu suami dah curang dengan pompuan lain; bila suami balik rumah, rendam suami dalam bath tub. Kalau buahnya terapung, hukumnya sah 'air' sudah buang.
• Beza wanita & gajah - gajah ditembak dulu baru rebah, wanita rebah dulu baru ditembak.
• Beza lelaki & gajah - gajah kepalanya berbelalai, lelaki belalainya berkepala.
• Ramai tertanya-tanya kenapa anu lelaki berdiri tegak ketika melakukan hubungan kelamin. Setelah dikaji secara teliti, rupa-rupanya di dalam anu perempuan ada lagu "NEGARAKU".
• Inilah doa si isteri jika kemaluan suaminya disengat tebuan. "Ya Allah, hilangkanlah kesakitan yang ditanggung suamiku, tetapi kekalkanlah bengkaknya, Amin...."
• Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang bangun dan mandi di subuh-subuh hari adalah orang-orang yang mengerjakan bininya malam tadi.

Just 4 da sake of humor! Jgn marah saya ye, I just "copy-paste" this from an email someone sent me. TQ.

Malam Pertama

Malam itu ialah MALAM PERTAMA DI ALAM KUBUR!

Pernahkah engkau melihat kuburan?
Pernahkah engkau melihat gelapnya kuburan?
Pernahkah engkau melihat sempit dan dalamnya liang lahat?
Pernahkah engkau membayangkan kengerian dan kedahsyatan alam kubur?
Sedarkah engkau bahawa kuburan itu dipersiapkan untukmu dan untuk orang-orang selain darimu?
Bukankah telah silih berganti engkau melihat teman-teman, orang-orang tercinta dan keluarga terdekatmu diusung dari dunia fana ini ke kuburan?

Apakah Malam Pertama Kita di Alam Kubur Nanti Asyik dan Nikmat atau Penuh Derita dan Sengsara?

Wahai anak Adam, apa yang telah engkau persiapkan saat malam pertamamu nanti di alam kubur? Tidakkah engkau tahu, bahawa ia adalah malam yang sangat mengerikan. Malam yang kerananya para ulama’ serta orang-orang yang soleh menangis dan orang-orang bijak mengeluh. Apa tidaknya, kala itu kita sedang berada di dua persimpangan dan di dunia yang amat berbeza.

“Suatu hari pasti engkau akan tinggalkan tempat tidurmu (di dunia), dan ketenangan pun menghilang darimu. Bila engkau berada di kuburmu pada malam pertama, demi Allah, fikirkanlah untung nasibmu dan apa yang akan terjadi padamu di sana?”

Hari ini kita berada di dunia yang penuh keriangan dengan anak-anak, keluarga dan sahabat handai, dunia yang diterangi dengan lampu-lampu yang pelbagai warna dan sinaran, dunia yang dihidangkan dengan pelbagai makanan yang lazat-lazat serta minuman yang pelbagai, tetapi pada keesokannya kita berada di malam pertama di dalam dunia yang kelam gelap-gelita, lilin-lilin yang menerangi dunia adalah amalan-amalan yang kita lakukan, dunia sempit yang dikelilingi tanah dan bantalnya juga tanah.

Pada saat kita mula membuka mata di malam pertama kita di alam kubur, segala-galanya amat menyedihkan, tempik raung memenuhi ruang yang sempit tapi apakan daya semuanya telah berakhir. Itukah yang kita mahukan? Pastinya tidak bukan? Oleh itu beramallah dan ingatlah sentiasa betapa kita semua akan menempuhi MALAM PERTAMA DI ALAM KUBUR!

Di dalam usahanya mempersiapkan diri menghadapi malam pertama tersebut, adalah diceritakan bahawa Rabi’ bin Khutsaim menggali liang kubur di rumahnya. Bila ia mendapati hatinya keras, maka ia masuk ke liang kubur tersebut. Ia menganggap dirinya telah mati, lalu menyesal dan ingin kembali ke dunia, seraya membaca ayat:

“Ya Rabbku, kembalikanlah aku semula (ke dunia), agar aku dapat berbuat amal soleh terhadap apa yang telah kutinggalkan (dahulu).” (Surah Al-Mu’minun, ayat 99-100)

Kemudian ia menjawab sendiri; “Kini engkau telah dikembalikan ke dunia wahai Rabi’..” Dan disebabkan hal tersebut, Rabi’ bin Khutsaim didapati pada hari-hari sesudahnya sentiasa dalam keadaan beribadah dan bertaqwa kepada Allah!

Wahai saudaraku, tidakkah engkau menangis atas kematian dan sakaratul maut yang bakal menjemputmu?Wahai saudaraku, tidakkah engkau menangis atas kuburan dan kengerian yang ada di dalamnya? Wahai saudaraku, tidakkah engkau menangis kerana takut akan hausnya di hari penyesalan? Wahai saudaraku, tidakkah engkau menangis kerana takut kepada api Neraka di Hari Kiamat nanti?

Sesungguhnya kematian pasti menghancurkan kenikmatan para penikmatnya. Oleh itu, carilah (kenikmatan) hidup yang tidak ada kematian di dalamnya.

“Ya Allah, tolonglah kami ketika sakaratul maut!”

UEFA Champions League 2007/08 CHAMPIONS

Champions of Champions.

Crème de la Crème.

Kings of Europe.

SIMPLY THE BEST!!

Congratulations!!

Good Job Well Done MANCHESTER UNITED!!

Streamyx Carnival at Amcorp Mall

All are invited to the Streamyx Carnival, details as follow:

• Place: Amcorp Mall, Petaling Jaya
• Date: 24 - 25 May 2008 (Saturday & Sunday)
• Time: 11 am - 10 pm

Highlights:

• Streamyx Combo Promo
• Let's Talk Promo
• i-Talk/i-Talk Buddy Promo
• Lucky Draw
• Online Games Contest
• Coloring Contest
• e-browse
• Gamezone
• Hypp.TV
• B-Smart
• HyppFlixs

*****XXXXX*****

P/s: Day 1 photos here. Day 2 photos here.

A Treasured Memory

When I was about to sign out tonight, I checked my Yahoo email first and very delighted to find out that one of my friends, Atox had sent me an email attached with a photo taken way back while we were in UK. Thanx Atox.



This photo was taken when my friends, Atox, Nan, Jemir and the one who took the picture (I can't remember who) came to visit three of us (Ali, Abu Sufian n me) in University of Essex, Colchester, UK. They were studying in University of Bristol (correct, correct, correct me if I'm wrong, guys) and were on UK tour when they came to our place.

From left: Ali, Atox, Nan, me (with black n red Planet Hollywood cap), Abu Sufian (white top) and Jemir (black jacket), posing in front of one of the uni's students' accommodations called Wivenhoe Tower. I think Abu stayed there, Ali in another tower I can't remember what, and I stayed in another tower called Bertrand Russell Tower, with British, Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Singaporean apartment mates.

Our batch consisted of 45 of us, sent to various universities all over UK and we were all Telekom Malaysia's sponsored students. I was the oldest among them, 5 years older. Why? That's another story for another day. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I wrote that I am forever indebted to Telekom Malaysia.

Unlike them who all graduated successfully from their respective universities, I unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, did not finish my engineering degree there but decided to come back to Malaysia and continue my study in Universiti Telekom (before they rebranded it to Multimedia University later), back in 1997 in Bukit Beruang, Melaka and ended up graduating with an IT degree from MMU, Cyberjaya in 2000, the year I joined TM as an employee.

Truth be told that Yayasan Telekom had asked me to finish my degree in UK and was ready to buy me another open ticket for me to go back to UK and prepare myself to resit the final exams. And the university itself, had literally "begged" me to fly back to UK too, up to the point that they had sent me the final exam questions to my house in my kampung in KT, the exact same questions for the 3 courses that I purposely flunked during the actual exams, for me to answer, or copy answers from wherever sources I like and send the answers back to them, which I was very, very sure, they would have passed me with no questions asked. The reason was simple, they made lots and lots of money from us, foreign students studying in UK, with exorbitant course fees etc. etc., and to lose one of the foreign students might have caused them to part with around 30K pounds (roughly RM210K at that time) per annum!

Nevertheless, after some deep-thinking, and evaluating my own capabilities who was facing some very very difficult situations at that time (and to cut another long story short), I decided to stay in Malaysia and finish my degree right here in Malaysia, albeit much later than all of them! Even some of them came back to become my tutors and lab engineers in MMU. What a life!!

As a matter of fact, two of them have become PhD holders. Congrats to Dr Hafizal and Dr Hezerul. Doctors at the tender age of 32!!